I'm a songwriter. Perhaps you've heard some of my stuff? Well, it's considerably more likely that you haven't, since I rarely actually complete a song. I tend to overanalyze my work, paranoid that it sounds too much like one of the two hundred thousand ba-gillion (that's a legit number) other songs in my head. But that, my friends, is history. I've found the resolution to my hyper-critical writing process...
Next weekend, I shall go to Groundhouse, grab a blonde cow, check out my twitter feed, and write down my experiences for the next hour or so. I'll later record those experiences, throw in some nonsensical vocal exercises (perhaps, "mommy made me mash my m&m's"), and have the teenager lay it over the beat of whatever the cool kids are currently listening to. I'm thinking that should be enough to get me to top 20 of Billboard's Hot 100.
Now, before you start thinking I'm insane, consider that it worked for Suzanne Vega. In fact, it got her to #5 on the Hot 100 and I'm still tempted to bust out the running man as I sing this randomly awesome song. Just remember, when I'm accepting my Grammy and/or Dove award, you heard it here first.
